Is it safe to pee?

Most people take it for granted that the places they live, work, study, go out for a meal or a drink at, go out to for fun, will all have working toilets they can use safely. Most people have no idea what it is like not to take that for granted.

There was the time when the only toilet I could use in my department building was out of service for four months.

There were the times the lifts were out of service, and I couldn't get to the toilets in the building I had class in.

There are all the cafes and bars that are just fine if all you want is to get in the door and order a drink. In fact, you could spend all evening there. So long as you never need the loo, because it's down a flight of stairs. No lift. No toilet on the ground floor.

There were all the times I wanted to meet up with other people, or take a child in my care for a day out, and couldn't because there was no baby changing at the place we were due to go, and the kid I look after is still in nappies.

There were all the times I took a disabled kid to a park, or some other venue, and we had to leave, because the kid uses nappies, and there was no disabled changing, and the kid is too big to use fold-down baby changing stations.

Here's what I've never experienced: being harassed for using the loo. I don't know what that's like.

Here's what I do know: there are few things so soul-sucking and humiliating as explaining to your teachers, your work supervisors, and other people around you, that you cannot use the toilet in the places you live, work, study, go out to. It sucks. It really sucks. And it's disruptive to your working day, decreases your working productivity, and does a number on your mental health.

Who is most affected by a lack of accessible toilet facilities?

• Trans people. People who do not conform to the gender labels on bathroom doors, and who are forced to use the wrong toilets by institutional policy, prejudice, and fear of harassment if they use the right toilet.


• Disabled people and their caregivers. People who can't get to bathrooms that are not accessible, or who need certain facilities that many places currently do not stock. Their caregivers are also affected if their movement depends largely on that of the disabled person.


• Children and their caregivers. People who need changing facilities, and people who need to take the children with them.

If you've never experienced it, and you can't quite imagine it, try this: try not going to the toilet, ever, except in your own home. (Some people who live in student halls, for example, may not have suitable bathroom arrangements where they live, but that's advanced empathy practice). At no point during your working day, or during any outing, may you use the toilet. But try this for a limited period of time. I don't wish long term patriarchal bullshit on anyone, not even for empathy practice.

So when I'm told about projects like Safe2Pee
, it breaks my heart. But it also makes me glad to know that there are folks I can campaign with. Watch this space. Campaigns for a safer campus are coming to a toilet near you.

--IP

Queer is beautiful - why I won't let homophobia steal my identity

I identify as queer. I like it because it's so hard to define, because it encompasses both gender and sexuality, because it has so much potential to unite without constraint, and because it refuses to assimilate into an oppressive society. Bisexual felt weird because I never felt like I liked girls and I liked boys, but that I liked people regardless of gender. I also feel like neither “girl” nor “boy” adequately describe me; and once I worked out that the gender binary sucked, queer gave me a small way of rejecting it on all fronts, and a way of understanding it in a political context as well. But the word queer is a big problem for some people – for some, it has connotations of homophobia and violence. I even heard one person say that he deletes any email with queer in the title without looking at it because he is so offended by it.

Being pretty young in the grand scheme of things, I have never experienced the word being used as an insult – I think it's pretty outdated as a pejorative, at least amongst my peers. “Lesbo” was much more likely, or “gay” for my male-looking friends. Particularly “gay”, and often so casually - how often do I get really pissy with people for saying “oh, that new film was so gay”, or “I can't come out tonight, I have a deadline. GAAAAY.” One of my friends said that she uses it because it means something different now - “think of it like a whole different word, like, it could be spelt differently, g-h-a-y or something.” Obviously, I told her that while people use it to mean homosexual, it means homosexual, and that I'd thank her not to use it as a pejorative in my hearing.

And yet, people still identify as gay. Perhaps it's because queer was more common when things were more violent that it evokes stronger feelings, but if they are going to hate us, they will hate us whatever word we use, and they will use whatever word we claim. No-one is asking anyone to stop using the word gay because homophobes use it. And my use of the word queer, which means so much to me, has to be more important than the homophobe's taunt. We can't keep running from them – if we take the word back and create something beautiful with it, some of their power will be taken away.

I do appreciate that our forebears had to deal with things that we are lucky not to be able to imagine, and I have huge respect and gratitude for them. I understand, at least a little, how evocative a word might be – I maybe feel a little similar about the word lesbian. But I feel like my identity is being belittled when it is dismissed for the ways in which it has been used by others. It upsets me to be lumped in with them, and of course I don't want to evoke awful things that have happened. So I would like to ask that those who have difficulty with the word try to see past that, to the way that we are using it, right now. Talk to us. We are your siblings, and we don't want to hurt you – we just want to find a way to be ourselves, just like you.

(photo credit: Alva. Scribble credit: me)

Warning: webcomics are highly addictive and may harm your ability to do some damn work

This webcomic is distracting me terribly. It's really awesome - it's about a trans high school student, and it's matter of fact without being flippant, full of engaging characters, sometimes funny and sometimes sad.

Now, I just wish I hadn't discovered it when I'm supposed to be getting down to my dissertation. Damn it.

http://www.venusenvycomic.com/index.php

ikea germany's bi ad.

Subliminal and straightforward messages about sexuality are brought to us by tv advertisements every day (even if you don't watch tv - if it's controversial, the world wide web will let you know). Remember the slightly strange French McDonalds earlier this year? I just flew home for a week and German tv is airing a new IKEA ad that caught my eye. As was to be expected, I prefer IKEA to McDonalds. The slogan roughly translates to 'Because Florian needs to store away bigger things sometimes' and 'IKEA cupboards are even big enough for Florian's small secrets'. Because I have faith in the Swedes, I'm decidedly not offended by the young lady being labelled a 'thing'. I'm positively surprised by the campaign because usually, when ads have a punchline about someone's sexuality, it's about a gay man (I get the impression women's active sexuality doesn't feature much, understandably, as they are probably kept busy with cosmetics and probiotic yoghurt, in the name of being desirable). But here, it's about bisexuality. I don't think I've seen that before. It's a bit bittersweet because as it remains unclear whether Florian's small secret is that he's cheating on his partner or whether it's actually his sexuality. But at least it's on tv. So in the name of visibility, thank you, IKEA.

Woman

I wrote this poem after I was diagnosed with PCOS and abnormally high levels of testosterone. At the time I was also coming to terms with being bisexual. I think gender identity affects all sorts of people and this is how it has affected me.

WOMAN

So my ovaries don't work
My testosterone levels are high
And I like ladies
But I can still be a woman

Just because I like a bit of gender-bending in the morning
Or the evening
Or even the afternoon for that matter
I don't feel any less of a woman
Ready to pounce

I appreciate the male state
His physique, and I don't care if you're straight
But please let me appreciate the girls dem too

I wear dresses
Like sweet caresses
And soft caresses
And soft kisses
And loving other women

I like high heels
Cute baby seals
But I also like pussies
And I aint talking cats man

I have long hair
I like the stares
When I wear
Boobylicious shirts

But these things don't make a woman

It's not how you dress
Who you kiss
Wearing lipstick
Being with a man or a woman
Or hormones racing
Or procreating
Or gyrating
Even less dating and mating
Even less liking diamond rings
All the bling

It's about being me.

I am a woman.

hair.

Hair or no hair, how much hair, what to do with it, what is read as good or bad hair - it's a never ending story. I cut my hair off a couple of weeks ago. It's great. But it's no big deal. For me, that is.

For other people, my hair seems to be traumatic. I have no other explanation for the e-mail I received from a friend. We went to school together, we're not very close (anymore), but she definitely qualifies as a friend. She informed me that she had noticed my short hair in my fb profile picture and wanted to know why I'd done that. My long hair was so pretty, she said, it had always looked so nice. There was no need to cut it off. I should have just changed the colour, that would have been a new look, but still feminine. Seriously, that's what she said. It was the first time I'd heard from her in months. I really wasn't expecting to be policed in this way by people who have known me for most of my life. Actually, I wasn't expecting be policed in this way by anyone. What she hoped to achieve with that e-mail is also a bit of a mystery to me. Sometimes, I forget how deeply most people seem to have internalised mainstream beauty standards. I'm not sure whether to be amused or annoyed. Might settle for both.

great things to do with gaga.

I love that they even have a flashmob brass band. Made my day. Go San Francisco.